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    November 22

    《暮光系列》 新月－－电影快报

    既然我差不多是从头笑到尾出来的，回家就趁creative juice还源源不绝的时候赶快写吧。。。

    读前请先参照 偶像剧美少女完全生存手册 以及 爆笑暮光剧本胡编乱造版 两篇。

    看过书的人都知道我在讲什么， 任何其它剧透概不负责。
    －－－－－－－－
    （开场，新月字幕出现，少女全场欢呼。）(Opening. Title-roll. Twi-hards cheering in coordination.)

    卧室中，贝拉翻来覆去做梦，奔跑。(Bedroom. Bella flip-flops in bed. Dreams of running.)

    （啊！贝拉想妈妈了；啊不，贝拉想奶奶了；啊。。。不。。。要。。。这。。。样。。。！！！）(Oh! Bella misses her Mom. No, she misses her Grandmother. No... oh NOOOOOOOOOO)

    原来贝拉八十 十八岁生日了啊。(Happy 80th 18th Birthday, girl.)

    －－－－－
    校园里。(Forks High)
    点名中－－安吉拉好！安吉拉终于泡到的艾力克好！假装不讨厌贝拉的杰西卡好！假装不喜欢贝拉的迈克好！上次差点撞死贝拉的泰勒被开除了－－－好！(Roll call. Hi Angela! Hi Eric who is finally Angela's boyfriend! Hi Jessica who is pretending not to HATE Bella! Hi Mike who is pretending not to LOVE Bella! Hi Tyler who...is not here because     in the first movie he almost hit Bella!)

    新学期新气象～～～啊，有人买新车了，黑色的沃尔沃运动越野车！哇，卡伦大夫一家不是“假装”在福克斯生活水平小康而已嘛？去年全球不是股市大跌嘛？你们一个学期换一辆车？！(It's a new semester and there is a new .... vehicle?! Black VOLVO suv? Aren't you supposed to be "blending in" with the rest of Forks where the median income is around 30K? Didn't you foresee the stock market crashing Alice?! )

    （VOLVO赞助商来封杀本人的影评博客了，闭嘴ing）(*rest of comments censored by VOLVO, proud sponsor of the Twilight series*)

    哇－－爱德华卡伦出现的时候，一定非要必须是。。。慢。。。动。。。作。。。嘛。。。。(Really, seriously, does it have to be SLLOOOOOWWWWW MMMOOOO every time Edward Cullen appears?)

    （图：无论是霍格瓦兹还是福克斯亥，第一校草我当定了）(Pic: Forks High or Hufflepuff, I'm the fairest and I'm strutting my stuff!)

    （少女团欢呼）

    爱德华：贝拉，我虽然每天都在你窗前出现，但是你看到我的时候总是跟我一个月没吃美洲豹一样渴望，真令我欣慰。低头－－深情款款 (E: Bella my Luuuuv, though I appear every night in your room, you still look at me like a thirsty vegan vampire looking at his first mountain-lion in a year. It pleeeeaaaaases me, very much, my luv.)
    贝拉：目－－眩－－神－－迷 *dazzled again* 呼－－吸－－困－－难 (B: *Dazzled* *Hyperventilating*)
    爱德华：哦亲爱的小人类你又血压升高心跳加速了，这对你脆弱的健康来说很危险的，我们还是去上课吧。(E: Apologies my luv, I forgot that dazzling you randomly is threatening to your fragile human health. Not to mention that your teenage physical frustrations is all pent-up for moi. Let's go to class instead.)
    贝拉：。。。。。。。。(B:....*speechless*)
    爱德华：等等，狗来了。(E:Wait, who let the dog out??!! >:E *Snarl* )
    雅各布： （少女团高声欢呼） 贝拉你好，你的生日礼物。(Team Jacob cheers. ) Jacob: Hellllllllo Bellllllla. *Flex* Here is your present... Happy Birthday! *Flex*
    贝拉：哇。。二头肌你好（凯莉：这句真不是我编的）。。。我是说雅各布你好，你给我带什么了？(B: Helllllo Biceps (Kelly: I so-did-not-make-this-line-up)... what is it?)
    雅各布：没什么，北美印地安特产，恶灵退散符，僵尸驱逐，蚂蟥专用。。。算了，我们家的梦风铃啦。J: Nah, just a Quileutte tribal specialty,  vamp-killing, bat-repelling, leech-off charm... I mean, it's a Dreamcatcher. Sweet dreams of me, Bells. )
    贝拉： 恩，谢谢胸肌。。。我是说，谢谢兄弟。(B: Oh thanks body... oh sorry, I meant, thanks buddy.)
    （爱德华以艰难的姿势撑在车旁，在十尺开外怒目而视）(Meanwhile, 10 ft away in the background, Edward deathstares and cool-props himself on his shiny new car. )
    －－－－－－－

    上课了，罗密欧与朱丽叶。(Class, Romeo and Juliet playing on television.)
    爱德华：我特别羡慕罗密欧能殉情。(E: Oh how I envy thee...dying for thy eternal love so truuuuue)
    贝拉：别傻了。(B: Silly.)
    爱德华：我是说真的，我们要殉情还得去意大利找领导呢，还不一定批准。(E:I am dead so I am dead serious. Pooor moi can't even die for my love so trrrruuuuue even if I wanted to. I have to go appeal to the Vamp UN-headquarters somewhere in Italy, and my death appeal will probably get VETO'ed since I'm sooooo special.)

    （爱德华被点名朗诵莎翁，课堂众少女作陶醉状）(Edward got called to recite Romeo's lines, entire class *bedazzled*)

    爱德华：我的爱，我已经打定主意走上殉情之路了，不过好像前提是你得先牺牲。怎么办呢。。。(E; Oh my love so truuuuue, I'm quite into this whole dying for love thing, but every Romeo needs his Juliet to go first, too bad... Guess I'd have to wait another 80 years.)
    贝拉：你能不能少想想殉情，多想想怎么让我快点殉道？我都十八了。(B: *Headdesk* Dude, I'm kinda into that whole dying for undead thing too, can you think about it? I'm 18 for Godsakes. That's 126 in dog years btw, according to Jake.)
    爱德华：明白了。你今晚就来我们家开生日派对。（会心微笑）(E:Why don't you come over and party with a houseful of vampires who want to suck you dry? Maybe we'll both get our wishes, just a suggestion no pressure whatsoever.)

    －－－－－－－

    生日派对。卡伦家族衣装笔挺严阵以待。(Birthday scene. The Cullens. Overdressed, Overdramatic and hence Overkilling the whole thing.)
    艾美特：你十七人家十八，你现在正式算是和熟女交往了吗，处男？(Emmett: Dating a cougar now instead of eating one for food? She's officially OLDER.)
    爱德华：你再说我就让爱斯梅关你一个月的禁闭。(E: I am OFFICIALLY  requesting Esme to ground you for the rest of ALL eternity.)
    爱丽丝：贝拉看这个看那个开这个开那个。。。哦我太喜欢派对了虽然你不喜欢！！(Alice: Bella check this out, I so love this party which you don't love!)
    贾斯柏：（吞咽） 我们什么时候可以吃贝拉。。。。。。的蛋糕？(Jasper: Is it time to eat Bella...............'s cake... yet? *Swallow* )

    （图：谋杀之前都是很正式的）(Pic: A Formal Murder Event)

    （划破手）(Papercut. Oops.)
    贾斯柏狂奔，艾美特狂奔，爱德华狂奔。。。。(Jasper dashes! Emmett dashes! Edward dashes!)
    爱德华：血这么一点不够我殉情之路！来，让我把她扔到花瓶上血流满地，你们可以集体攻击！！(E:That's not enough to kill her! I need more blood that THAT to die for my luv so truuuuuue.... Wait, I'll throw her at the vases so she can smell bloodspattingly delicious for every vamp in the room.)
    卡莱尔：算了吧你们。(Carlyle: Forget it guys.)


    －－－－－－－
    回家。(On the way home.)
    贝拉：贾斯柏不是故意的。(B: Jasper didn't mean it. Please.)
    爱德华：我是故意的，现在我故意冷淡你，虽然明明还是你的十八岁一生一次的生日。(E: *I* totally do. *I* TOTALLY meant to sulk and ignore you right now, even though it's your once-in-a-lifetime 18th birthday.)
    贝拉：吸血鬼！你搞清楚，今天我生日哦！快吻我！(B: Don't be a jerk .... It's my birthday, kiiiisssssssss meeeeee.)
    爱德华：我偏要满面愁容痛苦不堪，让你饱受情感的折磨, 虽然在吸血的问题上我很自虐，但是在感情问题上我绝对是虐待狂。(E: *More SULKING* *Ignore* I may be masochistic about the whole blood thing but I am indeed emotionally sadistic in case you haven't noticed for the entire first book.)
    贝拉：你死不了也还很想死么？(B:You would be so DEAD by now,  if you weren't already.)
    爱德华：导演说的啊。我想去巴西和意大利旅游咧。(E: *Not hearing you my luv* *Google-mapping the upcoming Italy trip in my head*)

    －－－－－－－－
    树林中。(Woods behind school.)
    爱德华：你我，上山，现在，马上。(E: YOU. ME. THE WOODS. NOW.)
    贝拉：等等，这不是我在第一集的台词么？(B: Wait, wasn't that my line in the first movie?)
    爱德华：你我，分手，现在，马上。(E: Fine. YOU. ME. BREAKUP. NOW.)
    贝拉：。。。 。。。 。。。 (B: WTH!!!)
    爱德华：我对你无益。(E: You are not good for me.)
    贝拉：啊，你说什么？我配不上你？(B: What?! I'm not good ENOUGH for you?)
    爱德华：我是说，    我－对－你－无－益。(E: Hey, for the record, I said you are not good for me..)
    贝拉：啊，你的意思其实是，我－配－不－上－你？(B: But you really MEANT that I'm not GOOD ENOUGH for you?!)
    爱德华：。。。。。。我明明知道你跑步跌倒走路摔跤，而且非常没有方向感，还特别招吸血鬼喜欢，可是我还是要马上把你一个人留在深山老林里面。    (E: ... I gave up. Anyways, I know you are clumsy, have no sense of directions and zero self-esteem, and particularly appeal to all vampires... but I'm still going to leave you, alone, in the woods.)
    贝拉：不！爱德华！不！(B: No Edward No! Don't leave me behind with the shirtless wolfboys!)

    (图：贝拉：我承认，造型方面我的确配不上你）(Pic: Bella: Yup, my wardrobe is definitely not good enough for you.)
    －－－－－

    四个月过去了，贝拉两眼发直盯着窗外。(Four months passed as Bella rotates in her room in the bottomless pit of E-M-O.)

    贝拉决定和杰西卡出去玩。(Bella hangs out with Jessica)

    （少女团：我们不要看杰西卡！）(Team E&J: We don't CARE about Jessica.)
    （凯莉：我也不要看杰西卡）(Kelly: I don't CARE about Jessica)
    （贝拉：我也不想）(Bella: Finally, you agree with me on something.)
    总算和贝拉达成了一次的协议。

    －－－－－
    贝拉拉摩托车到雅各布家。(Bella smuggles motorcycles to Jacob. They totally hangout, and stuff.)

    （这段除了让雅各布以各种方位展现二头肌＋三头肌＋胸肌＋修车技术＋电眼）以外，无任何值得记忆的台词。(Nothing memorable here -- Let me recap.  Jacob flexes. Jacob crushes on Bella. Jacob flexes some more. Jacob can fix a car too! Jacob is totally shy about Bella! Jacob has friends who are totally shy and crushing on Bella! Jacob flexes cuz he needs to be bigger than them to get Bella!)

    －－－－－
    （电影院。迈克完全是活动布景，以展现雅各布健身六个月的成果。）(Movie theater. Mike provides a deliberate contrast of limpy-ness to Jacob's newly acquired buff-ness.)

    （雅各布拉贝拉的手被拒。搭贝拉的肩被拒。向贝拉示爱被拒。）(Jacob: Handhold rejected. Shoulder cuddle rejected. Love confession rejected. That's three strikes dude. Even I got it by now.)

    贝拉：我不是一辆你能修好的车。(B: I'm not a car that you can just... fix.)
    雅各布：你不相信我的能力么？(Jacob: Don't you have faith in me?)
    贝拉：我的意思是说，你只能勉强修个国产车，然后偶尔让我搭个便车什么的，我比较习惯于哈欧洲进口品牌。(B: Okay what I really really meant to say is: you are a pretty good mechanic for domestic cars alright. And as a rental sometimes. But, I miss driving the VOLVO.)
    雅各布：我现在先把迈克给卸了再说。(J:Wait, let me fix Mike first before I get into *TEENWOLFRAGE* mode.)
    贝拉：你什么意思？(B:What?)
    雅各布：告诉你贝拉，你那个吸血蚂蟥能证明钻石是女人的最好朋友，我现在就要回家给你证明，狗狗才是全人类的最好朋友！！！(J: Guess what Bella, maybe your blood-sucker vamp can give you diamonds, but really,  dogs are Man's best friends dun you knooooow?!)
    贝拉： ？？？？(B:What-r-u-talking abt???)
    雅各布：贝拉我说过，我永远都会只爱你一个，只保护你一个人，永远不会伤害你让你生气，说到做到，骗人我就变小狗。(J: Bella, I totally love you, I'll always protect you, I'll never do what he did to you, if I ever lie to you, I'll be a dog for the rest of my life.)
    全体观众：啊。哈。(Audience: Yup. Saw that one coming.)

    （图：贝拉：我只喜欢进口车。雅各布：骗人我就变小狗）(Bella: I like European cars. Jacob: Dogged for the rest of my life)
    －－－－－－－－－

    （贝拉电话连环夺命CALL ) (Bella stalk-calling Jacob)
    贝拉：喂？雅各布吗？你在家吗？你生病了吗？给我回电话好吗？拜拜。(B: Helloooo Jacob? Are you home? Are you sick? Are you into me? Call me plz Bye.)
    贝拉：喂？    雅各布吗？还是我，贝拉。 我是想说，其实，那个，自从你说你不喜欢我以后，我就开始特别喜欢你了。回电给我啊，拜拜。(B: Helloooo Jacob? Me again, I mean, ever since you told me you are not into me anymore, I am totally into you. Call me plz plz Bye.)
    贝拉：喂？雅各布吗？你不接电话，我病情需要。。。我是说，我剧情需要， 只好闯到你家来了。(B: Helloooo Jacob? Me again, I'm coming over before you get a restraining order on me. Still call me plz plz plz Bye.)
    贝拉：喂？。。。。你不是生病吗？！为什么倾盆大雨还可以不穿衣服到处跑？(B: Hellooooo Jacob... WTH I thought you were supposed to be SICK!)
    雅各布：（冷眼怒视）你放心吧贝拉，我不怕下雨，我现在天天都在发烧。(J: *Coldshoulders* Yeah. I was sick as a dog. Don't worry about the rain, I already have a fever everyday. NowThxBye.)
    贝拉：你。。。你剪头发了吗，挺帅的。(B: And a haircut? And a tattoo?)
    雅各布：少来这一套，快走，以后都少来？(J:AreYouLeavingNeverSeeYouAgain    KThxBye?!)
    贝拉：你。。。你也想和我分手？你都不是我男朋友也想分手？(B:You can't break-up with me before you hook-up with me, dude.)
    雅各布：我对你无益。(J: You are not good for me.)
    贝拉：这话好像谁说过。(B: Yup heard that one.)
    雅各布：我配不上你。(J: Fine. I'm not good enough for you.)
    贝拉：这话好像我说过。(B: Yup said that one.)
    雅各布：啊！贝拉，回去吧，我现在是狼人少年犯了你不知道么？(J: Bella please just gooooo awaaaaaaayyyy I am a moooooonster moooooonster)
    贝拉：今年处女座人缘不好么？怎么每个暗恋我的人都要赶我走？每个遇到的吸血鬼都当我是易拉罐？每个女配角都想杀了我？(B: Wonder what my horoscope says about this whole thing. "All that you love will desert you. All vampires dig you. At least one chick wants to murder you." Yeah pretty accurate I guess.)

    （图：每天发烧四十二度！）(Pic: Don't worry I ALREADY have a fever)

    －－－－－－－－－
    贝拉被劳伦特追杀，五狼狗出现，最后一只红棕色的狗狗眨巴着大眼看着贝拉。(Bella hunted by Laurent. Laurent hunted by werewolves. Jacob-dog doggie-eyed at unsuspecting Bella.)

    （少女团欢呼－雅各布！雅各布！好想摸狗毛！好想抱狗脸！好想骑狗背！好想拉狗尾！）(Team Jacob bursts into cheers -*Oh he is sooooo cuuuuute so peeeeetttttaaaable* end cheers.)

    （凯莉蜷缩一团忍笑中）(*Kelly cramping with LOLz)
    －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
    贝拉睡梦中被惊醒。(Bella. Awake from a strange sound.)
    贝拉： 雅各布？(B: VICTORIA!!!! No, Jacob?)
    （雅各布以反地心引力的成龙式三级跳窗而入）(Jacob anti-gravity jumps into Bella's window, Jackie-Chan style.)
    贝拉：你们可不可以不要每个人都跳窗？(Bella: Can someone please use the door just once?!)
    雅各布：贝拉我来了！(Jacob: Bella! I'm here for my promise.)
    贝拉：恩。。。那个，至少爱德华都是穿着衣服来的，你这样我手都不知道放哪里好。。。(Bella: Yeah... look, can you promise to put some clothes on next time? I don't really know where to put my hands, like, um, all over you?)
    雅各布：贝拉，你知道那种感觉么，你有很多秘密不能说。。。不是你自己的秘密。。。(Jacob: You know that feeling that ... you have a secret that you can't tell... cuz it's not yours to keep in the first place...?)
    贝拉：恩，别的没有，那种秘密我倒是多得是。(B: Yup. I know a LOT of THOSE kind of secrets.)
    雅各布：贝拉我们去年不是在海边说故事了么？贝拉你不是特别聪明然后还去Google查资料了么？(J: You know the story I told you last year... aren't you the smart chick who can Google things?)
    贝拉：    Google? Like Adrenaline Rush?
    雅各布：对对，古－－狗 (J: Yup - you can Google it, like GOOoooldenretriver-beaGLE it. )
    贝拉：其实是爱德华站在我床头，周公解梦来的。。。让我睡一觉想想。(B: Look I still don't get it but usually Edward tells me stuff when he weirdo-spies on me in my wacky dreams, so let me sleep on it, alright?)
    雅各布：贝拉你快点想起来吧。我实在没法忍受这种光着脊梁到处跑的日子了，才二月啊现在，好歹我变形以后还有皮袄可穿。光靠每天发烧也不行啊，我们家光是卡路里都快被我吃穷了。好贝拉，你快点想想吧。(J:Look Bella, it's pretty cold out there and I cant freaking run around shirtless anymore.  Please sleep on it and get it already. Fever doesn't work,     I need some FUR.)

    趁贝拉发呆中，雅各布巡视房间，瞟了一眼，他送给贝拉的生日礼物还挂在床头。满意微笑。(*Jacob scans the room, sees dream catcher hanging over the bed, smirks*)

    雅各布：恩，可以95％肯定你还是哈我的，那我走了。也好，省得我真的和小公狗一样在你床角四边撒尿划界了。    你注意一下啊，我从你们家三层楼毫发无伤地跳下去了。我直接奔狼嚎之路跑过去了。(J: Alright, since I'm 95% certain that you dig me, I'll spare you from more lame dialogue and the whole urinating by your bedpost to mark my territory thing. Pay attention when I jump out of your window and land three stories below totally unhurt, and when I run straight off towards the howling. *Hint-no-Hint*)
    贝拉：。。。。(B: KBye weirdo.)

    （道明寺不知道从哪里冒出来骂：“你这个笨女人！” 被杉菜拉回）

    爱德华晚上又来周公解梦，贝拉恍然大悟。(B: Edward reappears to warn Bella in her dream and oh, she totally gets it now.)
    －－－－－－

    贝拉：雅各布我猜到了！我来找你了，哦等等山姆老大在场？(B: Jake I got it I got it! I'm here! Wait.. Sam?!)
    保罗：蚂蟥女！你到这里干吗？雅各布跟你说什么了？(Paul: What is this leech-lover doing here? What did Jacob tell you? Did he spill our secret?)
    贝拉：雅各布他什么都没说。(B: Jacob said NOTHING.)
    保罗：他什么都没说？那我岂不是非要变身给你看？＊变身 ＊(Paul: Ugh! Then I have to spill our secret myself by fur-popping cuz I'm so mad at him for almost not-spilling our secret that we told him not to spill!) 
    雅各布＊变身＊挡在贝拉前面。(J: Whatever. Not if *I* furpop first!)
    观众们：喂喂，法律禁止斗狗 ～保护动物 (Audience: Wait, no dog-flight, Michael Vicks remember?)
    （凯莉忙着数雅各布至今为止已经撑爆了几条Abercrombie and Fitch的运动裤）(Kelly: Yet another pair of Abercrombie and Fitch fur-popped)

    （图：第五条又报废了）(Pic: Yet another pair of fur-popped Abercrombie and Fitch)

    －－－－－－－
    山姆未婚妻艾米丽的家。(Chez Emily)
    艾米丽：吸血女？(Emily: Vamp-girl???)
    贝拉：狼女？(Bella: Dawg-girl???)
    凯莉：好大的松糕。。。(Kelly: Monstrous Muffin anyone?)
    －－－－－－－
    贝拉实验悬崖跳水，被维多利亚追杀。(*Bella experimental cliff-dives, Victoria hunts her.*)
    凯莉：等等，维多利亚你的造型是Free People的赞助吧？赞。(Kelly: Victoria is your outfit from Free People? Nice.)
    维多利亚： 贝－拉－斯－旺 你－死－定－了 (Victoria: Bella-Swann-You-Are-DEAD)
    凯莉：等等，你的靴子哪买的？Urban Outfitters? Piperlime? Endless.com? (Kelly: Wait, wait, the boots... are they from Urban Outfitters? Piperlime? Endless?)
    雅各布：好汉都穿 Abercrombie! (Jacob dives in - Real boyz wear Abercrombie!)
    爱德华：（头上脚下）就没人注意到我这集的西装嘛？Gucci? D&G? Armani? (Edward up-side-down: Did no one see my totally awesome suits in this movie? Barneys? Saks? Neiman? )
    －－－－－－－－
    雅各布开车带贝拉回家。(*Jacob driving Bella home*)

    贝拉：咱们肯定不是那种关系，但是我的态度和肢体语言    让你觉得肯定就是那种关系。(B: We are so NOT in a relationship even though my body language is screaming *RELATIONSHIP*)
    雅各布：先搂一个再说。我可不是你第一集的矜持吸血鬼，碰个手指头就紧张的要死。(J: *Arm on shoulder* I don't SHUDDER like your vampire over the issue of PDA)
    （以下台词全不记得）
    雅各布深情凝视贝拉。(Jacob *dazzle-attempts* on Bella)
    （少女团：kiss！ kiss!  kiss!) *Attempt REJECTED*

    （图：贝拉：你初吻被拒好几次还挺镇静的嘛）(Pic: Bella: You look uber-calm after being triple-rejected)

    雅各布发现宾士S55车。(Mercedes S55 spotted by Jacob.)

    贝拉：啊我的爱可能回来了我不跟你聊了拜拜走了千万别担心我。。。(Bella: Oh-Oh-Oh my TRUUUUEEEE-LOVE is back hooray KThx4EverythingBye)
    雅各布：团套！贝拉！可能是团套！(Jacob: Trap Bella Trap!!!)
    贝拉：啊？你说什么？你存在？(Bella: What? You said something? You exist?)
    －－－－－－－－－－
    开门 （凯莉欢呼 －－爱丽丝回来啦！～一切EMO的苦难终要结束啦！）(Door opens. Alice Appears. Kelly pre-cheering for seeing the end of all EMO-ness)
    爱丽丝：贝拉，既然你还活着，咱们就去开睡衣派对吧。(Alice: Oh okay you are alive Bella. Slumber party in five?)
    贝拉：（拥抱爱丽丝）我想死你哥了 (Bella: HUUUUUGGG... I TOTALLY MISSED YOU__________R BROTHER)
    爱丽丝：你怎么闻起来像落水狗？(Alice: And you smell like wet-dog why?)
    雅各布：吸血鬼退散！(Jacob: Death to all vampires!)
    爱丽丝：我回避。贝拉，我要代表大家说一句这部电影里唯一像是真知灼见的话：你怎么整天给自己找麻烦？(Alice: Fine. I'll give you two a moment till he gets quadruple rejected.)
    贝拉：麻烦还在后面呢，我现在找了好多人一起找麻烦，譬如，雅各布马上就要谋杀你哥了。(Bella: Not me Alice, it's Edward who's going to be in TROUBLE.)
    －－－－－－－－－－－
    雅各布继续初吻未遂 take 3，电话响。雅各布接电话。(Take Three: Jacob-Bella First-NotKiss.) (Phone rings. Jacob picks up)
    爱丽丝闪电般冲进来：你和我哥说什么了？(Alice dashing in: What the #$% did you say to my brother?)
    雅各布：除了问候你们家祖宗八代外加咒他不得好死以外没什么，他说没事，他已经死了一百零九年了。(J: Nothing other than cursing at him and wishing him dead. He said it's okay though, he's been both cursed AND dead for 109 years.)
    （镜头拉向在巴西RIO 山景高级公寓失恋疗养的爱德华，欲哭无泪脸作柠檬状，啪一下捏碎了电话）(Long shot panning at Edward in Rio di Janeiro, rehabilitating from heartbreak in seemingly super expensive condo facing the Corcovado. Edward attempt-cries tearlessly, lemon-faced, he crumbles the phone in his hand.)
    雅各布：贝拉你不要走，求你了。(J: Bella, don't go, please, I'm begging you.)
    贝拉：你这四本书里求过我多少次了？我什么时候答应过你？(B: I think you begged me a lot in the series and I never said yes EVER.)
    －－－－－－－
    贝拉和爱丽丝坐。。。Virgin America 的飞机去意大利。(*Bella and Alice flying Virgin Airlines to Italy*)
    观众：夭寿喔！不支持国货咩？(Audience: Whatever happened to *Buy American*?)
    贝拉：大家都知道我是哈英一族。。。(Bella: Told you. I dig European-everything, like British youth boy driving Swedish cars and almost-dying by Spanish Flu.)

    意大利乡村，公路奔驰。(Italian countryside, a car bolts down the road)
    贝拉：你怎么做到的 (Bella: How'd you do it?)
    爱丽丝：什么怎么做到的？(Alice: Do what?)
    贝拉：下飞机以后偷了保时捷还弄了条 Hermes 头巾，包得像索非亚罗伦？(Bella: Stealing a Porsche and a Hermes scarf so we can pretend we are in an Italian Film Noir?)
    爱丽丝：情势所逼，你也不反对啊。(Alice: I'm sure you are not opposed to GrandTheftAuto or ScarvesBorrowOrSteal?)

    －－－－－－－
    到了广场。。。贝拉飞奔，飞奔！(At Piazza. Bella runs.)
    凯莉：如果广场挤得水泻不通，为什么每个人之间至少有三尺六英寸的距离让贝拉飞奔？(Kelly: Why do people leave 5 feet in between them in a supposedly packed piazza?)
    爱德华苦瓜脸造型，出现在阳光下。(Edward appears to be stepping into the sun. Camera slo-mo and closing in on *Lemon Face*)
    （少女团一片寂静。。。审美疲劳）
    贝拉及时出现，美救英雄，爱德华陶醉中。。。(Bella appears and the damsel in distress saves her knight. Edward is totally into it...and himself.)
    爱德华：贝拉吾爱。。。我说不要你的话都是骗你的，不过我也没打算回来找你，直到你来找我。好了，你假跳海我也假殉情，过把瘾就算了，回家吧咱们。(E: Oh Bella my-love-so-tru whom I abandoned with no discretion,  I lied and you believed so we are even, is it time to go home yet? )
    贝拉：回什么家啊，领导派警察来抓咱们了。(B: Whatever, we're about to be caught and chewed up by Dakota Fanning for Godsakes.)

    －－－－－－－－
    （任何有Michael Sheen 和 Dakota Fanning的场景我都想欢呼。）
    珍：这可能会有一点点痛苦。(Jane: This might hurt just a little.)
    观众：贝拉都痛苦了五个月了！我们都痛苦了两个小时了！(Audience: They've been hurting for five months! We've been hurting for TWO HOURS!)
    珍：难怪不起作用。。。(Jane: No wonder it does not work...)
    阿罗鼓掌微笑：太妙了！太妙了！(Aro: *Claps* Bravo! Bravo!)

    （图：珍：我是柠檬终结者！）(Pic: Jane the Lemonator)

    －－－－－－－－
    贝拉回家，爱德华照样在窗前出现，然后躲衣柜。(Chez Bella. Edwards appears through the window and hides in closet)
    爱德华：你是打算等一会就原谅我呢，还是打算马上就原谅我呢？(E: So, my luuuuuuuv, will you forgive me in five minutes or will you forgive me NOW?)
    贝拉：时间不多了，先原谅你， 反正下集我和雅各布有的是时间修理你呢。 我要去你家投票变身。(Bella: There is no time. I'm getting older by the second here. I'm gonna go vote for my change at your house before I make you suffer through the next two volumes.)
    爱德华：我好不容易不用当柠檬脸了，你让我放松一下脸部肌肉。(E: Hold on my luv, I'm tired of this lemon-face, can we relax and dazzle instead? I'll totally sparkle for you.)
    贝拉：你我。回家。现在。马上。(B: YOU. ME. HOME. NOW.)
    爱德华：。。。(E:...)

    －－－－－－－－－
    选举胜利，回家路上雅各布出现。(Vote passed. Change authorized. Jacob appears on Bella's victorious journey home.)
    （爱德华龇牙咧嘴做准备战斗状，哇，比柠檬脸好看多了。）(Edward snarls)
    贝拉： （总算说了一句我approve的台词）：你看看他怎么想的，是不是想吃了我？把手放下。(Bella: READ HIS MIND. Is he going to hurt me?)
    （爱德华恢复柠檬脸）(Edward *lemon-faces*)
    谈判失败，雅各布变伤心狗跑掉。(Negotiation fails. Jacob furpops and leaves)
    （少女团：嗷～嗷～不要～狗狗好可怜!!! Team Jacob protests audibly)
    凯莉： 第六条裤子又报废了。。。难道奎鲁特有团购优惠价？）(Kelly: Yet ANOTHER pair of furpopped Abercrombie and Fitch... I hope the Quiluette tribe gets a group discount)

    －－－－－－－－－－－－
    爱德华：贝拉，我爱你。(Edward: Bella, I love you.)
    贝拉：这不是重点。关于我能不能变成长生不老，美若天仙，才智超群，身手不凡的三代晋级吸血鬼的事。。。(Bella: Whatever dude. Now, talk to me about changing me into an ever-living, massively-talented, drop-dead-gorgeous,  never-clumsy-again blood sucker...)
    爱德华：好吧好吧，你嫁给我我就答应你。(E: FINE. MARRY ME.)
    贝拉：我。。。(Bella:...)

    （不等贝拉回答，导演黑幕）(*CUT* *Lights On*)
    戏院里顿时一片骂声此起彼伏。爱德华派：yes yes yes! 雅各布派 no! no! no! (Twi-hards swear en masse. Team Edwards and Team Jacob turns theater into a bloodbath)
    凯莉：厕所在哪里？(Kelly: Restroom anyone?)
    （完）
    －－－－－－－


    12:25 AM | Add a comment | Read comments (5) | Permalink | Blog it | 赏心悦目
    November 10

    Talking about YouTube - 你是否聽見花開 預告 Do You Hear the Flowers Bloom

      忙里偷闲，上来给辛勤工作的阿连同学打个广告。

      我好像已经说过了很多次关于如何我们这么多年来一直看着阿连同学摸爬滚打的话，可是我还要再说一次。

      能做自己的兴趣很难，能坚持自己的兴趣很难，长大了以后, 想培养个兴趣都难。

      按说我应该非常羡慕或者有点嫉妒阿连同学，因为他专注在自己喜欢的事，并把它变成了职业，还作出了越来越好的成绩； 可是这么多年，大家看着他用自己的时间，精力，人脉，金钱，像电影圣斗士一样不懈地奋斗！奋斗！从到处跑场地，求人，做出来七分钟，十五分钟的小片 ，到获奖，再把全部奖金投进去做下一个project, 到现在正式执导有人情味，属于自己的阿连版商业片，除了感叹，我们什么都说不出来。

      所以，去看他的电影吧，为了这个电影背后，一群纯台湾的好电影人。

    Quote

    YouTube - 你是否聽見花開 預告 Do You Hear the Flowers Bloom
       
    1:45 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (1) | Permalink | Blog it

    09欧洲游记 - 意大利篇

    先声明-我实在没有时间整理所有的照片和更多部分的VIDEO， 所以只能先文字备忘了。
     
    - 第二天从苏黎世醒来就直奔了意大利的五渔村CINQUE TERRE，CT2001年去过一次，从头走到尾，而且还是从最平坦的第一村走到最险峻的第五村，那个时候除了意大利本地游客，和西雅图游客(拿着Rick Steve's旅游指南的游客) ，基本没有什么人来。
     
    - 从苏黎世搭车到米兰，换意大利本地线到 La Spezia, CT南边的城市，这次因为公司的discount, 在CT外围住宿。意大利的火车以瑞士标准而言，果然非常平民化，六个人一个车厢，倒是因为迷迷糊糊睡了一路所以也没介意。
     
    - 晚上下了一场名副其实的暴雨，大家三十秒钟以内湿透，只好打消晚饭的念头，没想到傻人傻福，柜台帮忙订做的比萨饼出奇的好吃， Proscieutto and Fruitti al Mare (Assorted Seafood) ). 喜欢意大利薄火腿的我这次吃到够。然后晚上大家心满意足地入睡了
     
    - 早上起来才发现，饭店对面居然是个中学，八点多醒来没事做，趴在窗口看意大利男女生--果然是天主教学校，进门以后男生右，女生左，同校不同班。几个男生把头从窗口伸出来吆喝女孩，被貌似训导主任的人物“啪”一声关窗。心想，校规真严厉啊。
     
    唏嘘着下楼吃饭，然后吃完饭回来再看这些九十后，刚好课间休息，然后就看到。。。 女生走出来，靠墙开始抽烟... 然后男生走出来，靠墙开始抽烟... 然后训导主任走出来，我心说不好，然后看到男女生们面不改色，训导主任走到他们前面，低头借个火... 靠墙开始抽烟... 然后生物老师数学老师统统出来，叼烟，接火，师生们吞云吐雾众乐乐ING --
     
    妈妈米呀，还真是Only in Italy... (待续)
    1:35 PM | Add a comment | Read comments (2) | Permalink | Blog it